You hear cases of people killing themselves,
countries annihilating countries, years and years of this family and that
family feuding, that person not talking to this person and the likes of it. It
turns out sometimes (when you finally trace the origin of dissent) that it was
just a simple case of - He didn’t understand, she didn’t understand, he
thought, she thought - a little misunderstanding.
Here’s a scenario – it’s not unusual for a danfo
conductor and his passenger to be in a war of words and insults. In fact it’s a
novelty for one to experience an entire bus trip without a single exchange of
heated words. So when I enter the bus and the woman in the front seat beside
the driver, stretches back her hand and starts to hit the conductor, I think
nothing of it.
The woman
continues to hit the conductor nonstop - give me my change she screams and punctuates
every scream with a slap at the conductors back. She’s throwing the punches
from the front seat and since the conductor is hanging from the door (nothing
unusual there) I’m surprised at the accuracy of her punch.
All the while, the conductor is receiving the
punches like a champ (Mohammed Ali style) - all smiles and no concern until the
man to my left intercedes.
Madam abeg no
hit am again, but conductor you know you are the cause of this thing.
It is then
the conductors’ voice comes back from the sabbatical leave it had been on all
the while he was being hit. He points to the man angrily and says “Oga” I no be
curse na you be curse, you and your children and your children’s children, all
of una be curse!
The man’s jaw drops in astonishment, “ahn ahn? What I’m I saying, what are you saying? I said you’re the
cause of this woman’s anger you’re telling me I’m a curse. Rubbish illiterate
man!”
I no be illiterate, the conductor retorts furiously.
As if to validate his point, he switches
to English- I went to school, its condition that put me here.
Hey! The man exclaims and then proceeds to clap his hands
together and fold them under his arms in typical Nigerian fashion – See this
obtuse man o? He asks no one in particular.
Oga na you be confused man, the conductor shoots
back.
Ahn ahn? E ma
gba mi! (People save me) what has confused got to do with obtuse? It is not
your fault conductor; it is me who poked my nose in your matter.
Na you know
wetin do your nose and nevertheless na u still be curse no be me , in fact as
you talk so, generational curse dey follow you from village and e no go stop.
There’s nothing wrong with my nose the man exclaims,
slapping his palm on his forehead in frustration.
At the “nevertheless”, I start to pay attention, I
mean nevertheless is not an “everyday word” in a typical Nigerian sentence if
you get my drift? Everyday words are words like ehn, ehen, shebi, sha, abi. So
“Nevertheless” from a bus conductor is very surprising and confusing.
Surprising because his a bus conductor (not looking
down on anybody) and Confusing because if you can think to say “Nevertheless” in
your sentence then you should know that Cause and Curse are two different words
entirely (although in pronunciation the difference is not a stretch) Obtuse and
Confuse are worlds apart and poking your nose in somebody’s matter does not
depict a problem with the anatomy of that persons nose.
But I digress. Back to the punching angry woman and
her conductor punching bag. The initial
“star” of the “boxing match” has been long forgotten and come to take her place
is the “Poke noser”, but it’s no longer a boxing match but a verbal match
By now, the other passengers have started
contributing their voices. Everybody is talking at once so there’s not much
sense to be made out of the cacophony of voices.
An elderly woman t tugs the conductors’ shirt to
catch his attention. She explains to him that the “Poke noser” did not abuse
him at any point before their exchange. She proceeds to tell him that what the
“Pokenoser” meant was that, if the conductor had given the “Puncher” her
change, the puncher would not have resulted to punching him.
Another man chimes in; Conductor because you no give
that woman her change, na why the woman dey punch you, so na wetin cause am...
no be say I swear for you o, na because of wetin u do the woman, you understand
abi?
…And so different variations and explanations begin
to emerge, all avoiding the word “cause”.
The “Pokenoser” is shaking his head from left to
right, at his wit ends and almost afraid to utter another word. I nudge him
covertly and whisper to him to keep mute from then on
The conductor must be a staunch believer of “vox
populi vox dei” (the voice of many is the voice of God) or the explanations of
the many passengers are too much for him to start to attribute his own
“Conductor Webster” dictionary meaning to. Either way he shuts up and pipes
down.
Now imagine that the conductor was not a “vox populi
vox dei believer” and the poke noser was a “hot headed easily offended who do
you think you are talking to kind of person” it’s more likely than not that
they would have come to blows, maybe even gotten into one of those “nobody
comes out alive, till one of us dies fights” and then somebody does die. Would
it, not have been all for nothing? a misconception of original intent.
There are times when we do A B C because we thought
the other person meant D E F. At the
end of our A B C we realize that the person actually meant X Y Z, and then our
A B C with all the effort put into it becomes a waste of time and energy
The question ultimately is – In situations where we
don’t have a bus full of voices; explaining, pacifying and trying to make sense
out of - should we not become our own voice of reason? Would our mistakes and
regrets in life not be fewer then?
